


Togetherness

by Flamingbluepanda



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Anger, Angst, Big Finish Audio: Expectant, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Post-Episode: s02e13 Exit Wounds, Post-Expectant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:27:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23559853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flamingbluepanda/pseuds/Flamingbluepanda
Summary: "An arch consists of two weaknesses, which, leaning on one another, becomes a strength" - Leonardo Da Vinci(After everything, they aren't coping. Ianto's patience runs out.)
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones
Comments: 6
Kudos: 80





	Togetherness

**Author's Note:**

> I've wanted this story for a while, but after listening to expectant for the first time yesterday, it started just spilling out of me. I think a good chunk of this is me yelling at my family for coping better than me while in quarantine lmao.
> 
> speaking of which, I hope everyone is social distancing and washing their hands. For the sake of your local very tired personal care assistant slash writer, please. take care of yourselves. 
> 
> dedicated to my bed, for being the only thing in this house that doesn't piss me off lately.

Ianto’s head was throbbing, had been all day. He had an ache in the back of his throat, and his joints ached- and he was  _ far  _ too young to have aching joints. 

And work was  _ not  _ helping. 

Gwen and Jack weren’t speaking,  _ again.  _ Ianto was trying to work and the tension was so thick he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Jack and Gwen fought a lot nowadays. They always had, both were passionate people with strong— and often contrasting— opinions on how things should be done. But there used to be three whole people to moderate and keep the peace. With just Ianto as a buffer, Gwen and Jack we’re stepping on each other’s toes constantly. Gwen was pissed at Jack for doing stupid things like become a surrogate for an alien baby and die constantly (Ianto was upset about this,) and Jack was pissed at Gwen for trying to force him to deal with his emotions (Ianto was also upset about this.)

For the last seven weeks, Ianto had been managing splendidly, he thought. He hadn’t gotten pregnant or gone on a vacation at the worst possible time, he didn’t break down crying three times a day or die on a near-daily basis. He was fine. He was just fucking  _ fine. _

Except he wasn’t. He was achy and tired, he hadn’t gotten a proper nights sleep in so long he couldn’t remember when the last time was. He’d contacted Tosh’s family, helped pack her and Owen's flats, started reading up on medicine, was now doing  _ both  _ of Tosh and Owen’s jobs, and to top it all off he’d ended up playing midwife for his very distinctly  _ male  _ boyfriend  _ and  _ comforted Gwen every time she cried  _ and  _ watched Jack die and- 

“Ianto, can I get a coffee?” Gwen called from her desk, and Ianto grit his teeth. “I’m a little busy, can it wait?” 

Gwen clasped her hands together “now, please? I’m falling asleep at my desk.” 

“Maybe you should just go home, Gwen.” Jack called from his office “it wouldn’t be the first time you left us here.”

Gwen glared up at him “Oh come off it! Rhys offered and I needed to get away, you know that! You approved it!” 

Ianto rubbed his temples while Jack stormed out of the office, glaring at her. “Yeah, I did, and I expected you to come back here ready to work! And instead, all you do is cry and go home early and-“

“Oh well it’s better than dying every day, or would you rather I do that too since I’m so bloody useless-“

_ “Enough!”  _ Ianto roared, rising to his feet and putting himself physically between the two of them. “Enough,  _ enough!  _ I’ve bloody well had  _ enough  _ of you two!"

Gwen blinked at him, but Jack just glared, pissed “Ianto just stay out of this-“

“Except I cant! I can’t stay out of it because I’m the only other person here!” Ianto snapped, physically shoving Jack backward “and  _ that’s  _ the bloody problem! I’m the only other person here! I’m the only other person here and I’m the only one who seems to be focused on doing my damn  _ job!”  _

“Oi I get enough of that from him, I won’t take it from you too!” Gwen snapped, and Ianto rounded on her, furious “yeah well not all of us have the luxury of running off with our husbands when things get tough, Gwen! Every time, every time you have a hard day you go home, and Rhys cooks for you and you cry and take a weekend off, and normally, it’s fine! It was fine when we had four people to pick up the slack, but now Jack has a foot out the door and you're never here and there’s just  _ me.  _ There’s just  _ me  _ and I can’t  _ fucking do it!” _

His final words rang through the hub, not even Myfanwy dared break the silence. Ianto exhaled through his nose, feeling himself deflate even as his head pounded. Ianto closed his eyes for a moment, shoulders slumping as he buried his face in his hands.

“I can’t,” Ianto said brokenly. “I can’t do it. I can’t be your shoulder to cry on  _ and  _ J ack’s  _ and  _ the buffer  _ and  _ Tosh  _ and  _ Owen-“

Jack’s hand came to rest on his shoulder and Ianto threw it off, turning to look at him. The anger was gone, and Jack just looked sad. 

“We-  _ I  _ never asked you to be Tosh and Owen, Ianto,” Jack said, and Ianto laughed bitterly. “Oh yeah? Who’s been patching you up every time you get yourself hurt, hm? The weevils? Who saved your ass from a health spa full of crazies and helped you give birth despite having  _ no  _ experience or training-“ 

Ianto cut himself off, shivering. “God it’s so bloody cold in here-“ 

“No it isn’t,” Gwen frowned, reaching for him, but Ianto just backed away, not wanting to be touched. 

“You know I haven’t cried yet?” Ianto said softly, and Gwen’s eyes went wide. “Owen and I fought, but he was like my brother. Tosh was my  _ best friend  _ and I haven’t had a moment to grieve, between rebuilding Cardiff from the bombs and the alien baby and you not being here I just- I haven’t had time.”

Ianto swallowed, then coughed when the action made his throat hurt. "I hunt the weevils, I deal with the public and the government. I do the retcon and clean up the news reports." He looked at Gwen with wide eyes "I know this is hard for you, I know you're having doubts but I can't be the only one doing my job, I _phycisally_ can't and I just-"

He cut himself off with a choked noise, looking between the two of them and realizing they were staring. He ran a trembling hand through his hair, sighing. “I… sorry. I’m sorry, this is all pointless isn’t it? It’s- sorry. I’ll go make coffee.”

Ianto turned to leave, but Jack grabbed his arm, spinning him around and cupping his face. 

Ianto groaned at both the sudden movement and the concern he saw in Jack’s eyes.

“Ianto, you’re burning up,” Jack said softly. “You’re shaking, when was the last time you slept?” 

Ianto blinked tiredly, then faked a smile “what day is it again?” 

His joke fell flat, and Jack just started pulling him towards med bay. “C’mon, let's get you checked out.” 

“I’m fine,” Ianto protested, but it was half-hearted, tinged with exhaustion. Now that he’d stopped working and released his frustration, the exhaustion was seeping into his bones. 

Gwen somehow managed to be already down there when they arrived, laser thermometer pressed against his forehead as soon as Ianto sat down at the table. 

“Fevers at 38.7,” Gwen said as Jack prepped the scanner. “Any nausea? Sore throat? Anything like that?”

“My throat hurts but I’m not nauseous or anything,” Ianto said with a frown, and Jack scanned him. “Throats a little swollen, but it looks like it’s just the common cold.” 

“I’m fine,” Ianto insisted, and Gwen shook her head. “You’re not, you’re not and it’s our fault. We should’ve noticed-“

“No, you shouldn’t have,” Ianto said firmly. “You both needed the two months for yourselves, without worrying about me, I can’t lose you two-“

“And I-  _ we  _ can’t lose you,” Jack insisted. Ianto opened his mouth to speak, but Jack put a hand against his cheek, eyes soft. 

“How are you, Ianto?” Jack asked, and that question, asked in that tone of voice, was what broke him. 

After Lisa, Jack had made a point of asking him that question, his way of making sure Ianto never felt invisible again. Ianto always answered it honestly.

Ianto’s eyes welled up with all the tears he’d been burying. 

“Tired,” he croaked, “I’m so  _ tired  _ jack-“ 

Jack pulled him into a hug, so Ianto’s face was buried in Jack’s chest. Warm hands carded through his hair, and Jack said: “Gwen, get outta here-“

Ianto tensed for a second, but Jack continued “go to the deli, get a large container of soup and a box of decaf tea. If they have salads get some of those too, company card’s in my desk.” 

Gwen left, and Jack quietly started massaging Ianto’s neck, making him sigh.

“Why on earth didn’t you say something to me?” Jack asked softly. “I could’ve helped.”

“You needed me more,” Ianto muttered, “you got pregnant with an alien baby without asking me, doesn’t inspire much open communication.” 

Jack kissed the top of his head. “I’m sorry about that. I don’t regret the experience, but I regret not telling you more than you’ll ever know.” 

“I know,” Ianto sat up again, looking up at Jack with bleary eyes “I know, really. I just… I needed to be there for you. You survived so  _ much…” _

“And I always will,” Jack leaned down to kiss him softly on the mouth. “But you have a limited time here, and if you burn yourself out like this it’ll just get shorter. I can’t lose you yet, so I  _ need  _ you to take better care of yourself, okay?” 

Ianto swallowed, then nodded slowly. Jack gave him one of those smiles that Ianto liked to think only he got to see- soft, kinda lopsided, made his eyes melt. 

Jack held out a hand, and Ianto took it. “C’mon, shower, sweatpants, sofa. It’s time we took care of you for a bit.” 

* * *

By the time Gwen got back, the alarm to the door had been switched off, and the Hub was silent- except for rhythmic snoring coming from the couch. Sure enough, laying on his stomach under Jack’s coat was Ianto, with Jack sitting cross-legged on the floor next to him, laptop on his knee.

Gwen put the food in the fridge, then quietly sat by him. 

“He looks so young like this,” she muttered after a period of quiet, and Jack looked up from the computer to look at her, and then at Ianto with a fond sigh. “Yeah. All 25 of his years, right there on his face. It’s easy to forget he’s the youngest of us, especially now.” 

“He deserves better than us,”

“Oh, for sure. If I was a stronger man I’d retcon torchwood out of him, let him live his life.” 

They lapsed into silence again, and then Jack whispered: “I don’t want you to die.” 

Gwen frowned at him. “Of course you don’t. Why-“

“Earlier,” Jack swallowed, looking at her, “earlier you asked if I wanted you to die. I don’t. I really-“ he sighed “I really don’t. I can’t lose anyone else.”

Gwen could see the long centuries in Jack’s eyes. She forgot, sometimes, how long he lived, how long he  _ would  _ live.

“I’m sorry I’ve been hard on you,” Jack said, eyes sad and wet. “If today has proven anything, it’s that I clearly haven’t been coping as well as I thought. But you lost two people you loved, I lost three. I’ve been searching for Grey since I was 14, and I’m over two  _ thousand _ years old. To spend all that time searching, only to find him and have him be so  _ broken-“  _

Jack’s voice cracked, and he squeezed his eyes shut, bowing his head. “It was horrible, Gwen. And then I had to take him out _ ,  _ and I understand I needed to, but I’ve lost him  _ three times  _ now and it  _ hurts-“  _

Gwen darted forward to wrap him in a tight hug, sniffling.

“I’m sorry,” Gwen said, “really, I am. I just… I’m so scared. Throughout everything I’ve seen on this job, I’ve managed to keep positive, and suddenly I  _ can’t.  _ And it’s shaken me to my core. I’m trying to keep it together for you guys but I can’t do that either, so I go home to Rhys, because I  _ need  _ something steady-“ 

“No, no, I get it,” Jack glanced back at Ianto. “I need that too.” 

Then he blinked at her, at the tears running down both their faces. And as if on cue, the started to laugh. 

“Oh god, the three of us. We’re quite the mess aren’t we?” Gwen giggled, and Jack smiled. “Owen would call us pussies if he could see us now.” 

They laughed some more, only for a very tired voice to mutter “if I’d known a kick in the arse was all you two needed, I'd've done it sooner.” 

They looked at Ianto, who picked up his head. “This couch is the most uncomfortable thing in the world, why do we still have it?” 

Jack chuckled and leaned over to kiss his forehead softly. “We’ll buy a new one. But for right now, I think we  _ all  _ need to get out of here. When was the last time you actually went home?” 

Ianto snorted. “What? To my  _ flat?  _ Why on earth would I go there when we could sleep on a  _ cot,  _ in a  _ hole-“  _

Jack pouted and Gwen beamed at the familiar argument. “I’m with Jack. Go home, take a day. Let’s all come back ready to work-“ she pinned Ianto with a hard gaze  _ “all _ of us.” 

Ianto gave her a bleary smile, and she kissed his cheek. “I’m sorry, Ianto. I haven’t been a very good friend.”

“It’s okay,” He sighed, “I get it. I’ve been through the decimation of my workplace before, I’m the most likely to survive.” 

Jack paled, and Gwen winced. They hadn’t even realized the obvious comparison between Tosh and Owen and Canary Wharf. The guilt kicked her again, but she forced a smile. “Right, well no more. Go home, Ianto. It’s your turn now.”

“It’s not a turn thing,” Ianto insisted, “that’s my point. We  _ all _ need to heal-“ he looked between them, imploring  _ “together.”  _

Gwen smiled, holding out a hand. “Together.” 

Ianto took it, and Jack helped him up, tugging both of them into a group hug and kissing their foreheads.

“Together,” he agreed. 

**Author's Note:**

> come cheer me up at www.flamingbluepanda.com
> 
> bye


End file.
